Shiv's Story
In the life of Shiv Kulkarni, a sweet, kind, bright, 14-year old rising freshman in high school, it seemed like he had everything going for him. He had won medals in table tennis and his USATT rating was on the rise. He was a valued player on his middle school and club volleyball teams. He loved to play piano and excelled in it. He was modest about it, but his art was often picked in the school district art fair. Academically, he was the top of his class and often helped others. He was very well liked by his peers, teachers, and most of the people around him. Most of all, he was dearly loved by his whole family. But still, all of this was not enough. Shiv, despite all of his strengths and his extensive support network, suffered from Major Depressive Disorder.
He lost his battle to the disease on July 29th, 2021.
Shiv identified as gay. He struggled fiercely with what he thought was his “non-conforming” identity along with his mental health. The stigma around being part of the LGBTQIA+ community as well as that around struggling with mental health caused him to be afraid to go against the status quo, at least until the end. He internalized his immense pain so much that it was incredibly difficult to comprehend from the outside. To understand depression more fully, we have to realize that it is comparable to physical ailments such as cancer or diabetes. With diseases such as these, everyone can sympathize with the unfair way children are hurting. We can all recognize the bravery in the constant fight, just like we need to with mental health.
Shiv, like others who deal with depression, fought this battle. It is a struggle that is oftentimes lonely, because of how hard it is for others to see and understand. It is a struggle without nearly enough recognition. There are rarely balloons or flowers to acknowledge the bravery of a kid with mental health problems. Shiv was helping his friends through their own issues even while facing his own dark thoughts. He tried to put on a brave face by participating in intense therapy and medications in spite of the hopelessness that was building inside of him. He lost his battle within a short span of 6 months after his diagnosis.
Below is a poem by one of Shiv’s teachers that she wrote in his memory.
For Shiv
Goodbye sweet child
That twinkle in your eyes
Is now the brightest star in the sky
You had answers for everything
But you have left us with the biggest question – Why?
Why didn’t you see the light within you
That illuminated all of us?
Why didn’t we see the darkness closing in on you
Until you turned off the light?
Why are we so hard on ourselves and each other?
Of all the things we teach our children
Why isn’t loving oneself and others not taught?
Fly little one
Your spirit was too vast
To be contained in the loving embrace of those who loved you
Too vast for the narrow hearts and minds of people
You are free now
To be who you are
To love yourself
You were perfection in an imperfect world
Like your name, you are eternal
That twinkle in your eyes
Beyond life and death
Joys and sorrows
So long Shiv
You have traveled to a far better place
One that will shine its light on you
And help you see yours.
Shiv has awakened a community to the realities of mental illness and different identities. His loss has highlighted need for societal change, inclusive education, exposing children to mental hygiene early on.
For us, “Shiv’s Third Eye” symbolizes the destruction of the stigma and barriers to open dialog about mental health, paving the way for beneficial change. It symbolizes hope and light with new research, new insights and tools to combat adolescent mental illness.
We plan to work with a three-pronged approach to help children like Shiv in the hope that fewer of them will suffer needlessly and more of them get better support to fight this insidious & invisible illness.
Awareness & Education for parents about youth mental health & mental hygiene,
Support the families of youth grappling with mental illness,
Fundraising to sponsor breakthrough research on treatment-resistant adolescent depression.
The life & Death of a “perfect human”– Shiv’s Story as covered by Star Ledger(nj.com) as part of their Mental Health Series.
